If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

Hello loves,

It’s 11:00 on a Thirsty Thursday…if you’re reading this, there is a chance that you might be newly single…or perennially single. Or not. Two years strong me and my boo…and it’s me and Detective Stabler tonight. But I digress…

Kind of like Kanye’s Workout Plan, I present Boo’s He-Tox.

30 days guys and dolls. 720 hours.

Rule #1 Do not contact the ex-target. That means no “accidental run-in,” calling from blocked numbers or third party torturing—for example, do not call his mother or sleep with his best friend.  Call your boss, bbm your friends…DO NOT CONTACT THE EX. Even if he/she contacts you. NADA. Social networking is a bitch. I had to defriend and block. Childish? Perhaps—but there was no way I was going to be subjected to his “Single-ing & Mingle-ing” Status while my I waffled posts somewhere between melancholy & Shera Man Haters Club. Keep the ex out of the newsfeed & refrain from cyberstalking at all costs. Freeze your account if you have to. Hate me. You’re welcome.

Rule #2 Remove all pictures, mementos, love tokens from the ex. I’m not saying search & destroy, but box up & store—out of sight. In another county if possible. Grieve it & get it outta sight. There is no sense in prolonging the misery. You cannot stay in a relationship because of how fantastic it used to be or how photogenic it might have been.

Rule #3 I am dead serious about Rules #1 & #2

Rule #4 Do you.  Self-preservation time is OVER.

• Dress chicly. New boots are an excellent start.
• Be a cheerleader. Step outside yourself and do something for your token homely friend. I’m kidding…kinda. Seriously, do something good. Go to an animal shelter for christsakes.
• Drink tons of water (good for skin & hangovers)
• Be a good friend. You will need someone to take that call when you’re headed to crazytown. Be that person too.
• Smile & laugh…(relieves stress, pretties you up).
• Sweat…a lot. By that I mean work out, silly. Release those endorphins & you can ogle objects of desire.
• Get drunk (just checking if you’re paying attention). But do it…”responsibly.”
• Sleep. With all the suitors headed your way you will need your beauty rest.
• De-friend bores and dickwads (they drag you down).
• Journal. Track this journey and see where you end up. And if you’re not happier…this was all Princess Boobs’ idea!

With that, celebrate yourself. Throw a party and invite the cutie from spin class. Put your hands up single ladies…and dudes.

I needed hetox from a TOXIC four-year debacle of a relationship because it provided a great way for me to learn who I am and how I could live independent or completely void of knowing, seeing or learning about him. I needed to reclaim, and at points get introduced to, my ability to control how I let others access my life, how I feel and what I do. And now I am getting tired…

So in the end, have I relapsed?? Hells yes! But like I said, I love me some me.

What’s past is prelude.

Xoxo,

Boo