OkStupid and how internet dating is changing the world

We're all friends here, right?  Well, come closer, just a bit closer, I have a secret to tell you. Not that close, your breath smells of rancid rat guts.

Deep breath.... here it is....

I am an on line dater. Or, I am a member on an online dating site. However you want to put it, I am a virtual dater (damn it, that doesn't FULLY work either)....you get what I'm saying. I've given up on real life dating and moved onto something simpler, from the days of yore.

Following my break up with a father of two who lives in Toronto, following a month of wallowing in my room writing terrible poetry about the sun and how it never shines in my bedroom, following gallons of tears and wine, following thousands of calls to my mother, and finally concluding he was and is an stupid fuck face, I joined an on line dating service.

I'm actually not all that embarrassed about joining an on line dating site. I'm kind of busy. Sort of. And let's be honest, once you join, you kind of craft these ridiculous justifications for doing it. And some are legitimate, others are horse shit.


I was also tired of the one night stands and sexual experiences that leave you empty and unsatisfied (Let's be real here, I actually thoroughly enjoyed those at times....The idea of exploring your sexuality with men and women without the accountability or work is at times an essential part of growing. The theoretical can only take you so far.) I digress as I often do.....I'm having flashbacks and I just want to take this opportunity to thank some of those people for their hard work and for leaving before the sun came up.


It's been, how you say, an experience. The short stint has been rich with douchebags, masochists, pathological liars, sociopaths (oh green eyes, I still miss you late at night when I have more alcohol coursing through my veins than blood-that's love), and men who hate their mothers. Don't get me wrong, there have been some real gems in there as well, but just like in real life, they are far and few between.

Ive also probed my dear friend following the 3 dates that she's gone on in order to collect more ....evidence.

The first date was with a gentlemen who didn't have a car, so she had to drive out and pick him up. The date didn't go so well, for a bunch of reasons. No one person can be at fault, unless they do something wildly atrocious....

What we found particularly amusing was that the guy emailed here  AFTER THE DATE   to tell her how awesome the date would have been if SHE weren't so nervous. Laundry list of things he would have done to "knock her socks off" had she not exhibited anxiety....on a first date....with someone she met on line...and who could be  serial killer.....In the words of Gob...COME ON.

Dude also acted put off and judgmental when she refused the generous invite to his basement apartment/room in his mothers basement following their less than successful date. 

The other dates were less abrasive, but they all ended in -dude likes girl, girl thinks dude is ok, maybe friends? dude still tries to kiss girl, girl turns, dude gets cheek....burnz.

She has another date tonight....I know....I know...I cannot wait for the outcome either. They really are like mini-novellas. And plus, the action that I am seeing is nil, so I've made a very concerted effort to live vicariously through my friends.  I have a friend who models, soooo, potentially I could say I am "vicariously modeling."  I also have a friend who is a dr. soooo....I think we can all see where this could potentially go.

OK ok ok ok (eddie izzard fans out there?) where was I?

...how internet dating is changing the world. Aside from the obvious incredible stories women and men come away with from these experiences, as well as the ability to view and read about jackasses, douche bags, megalomaniacs, egotistical jerk wads and the list goes on (the hope is, that you will find all of this amusing and not depressing. I wouldn't say its indicative of an increase in these types of individuals, just more that we can now access entry into their perverse stupid minds), internet dating, the new millenniums' Yenta, is fundamentally altering how we date.

How so?

• We have a new screening process, that we control...sort of. Much of this of course is predicated on whether or not the individuals are being honest as to who they are.

                        And we loop back to the whole serial killer thing...ASK HIM/HER is HE/SHE is a
                        fucking  killer.....this DOES NOT make you look crazy, only smart, savvy, and   
                        obsessed with serial killers. It's a good thing.
                      

            

• We can have thoughtful conversations with people via email...we have the ability to erase what we say and come up with something even more delightful, even more witty, and we can google/wikipedia information to bolster our intellectual appearance. Seriously though, this is yet another mechanism for weeding the douches out and laying a foundation for a possible face to face. Its equally as challenging crafting interesting questions, answering in your own voice, and ultimately the same feeling and sting of rejection is there if they never respond.  
• This gives us practice if we ever decide to date in a more "traditional" way. 
• For some of us, potential suitors existed in very specific scenarios. For example, I've been doing the facebook stalking (just like any healthy well adjusted fulfilled individual) and many of my "friends" are marrying or dating people from college. So, college is one of those spaces that we meet suitors. Work, school, friends. These are generally the institutions that create spaces for people to meet up, greet up, and fall in love. But often this means that they are somehow networked into your pre-existing web, which is not a bad thing. My claim is just that internet dating (maybe I really just mean the internet) is changing the world....and expanding our social networks in meaningful ways (not accumulating 6.5 trillion friends on Facebook) is one of those things we couldn't do 5 years ago.  

The list could go on. I was formally trained as a social scientist....meaning I should have picked a side and stuck with it, tested my hypothesis, measured my variables,  given  you all that voodoo crap, but I didn't and I actually now think that maybe internet dating is neither good nor bad, just different.  There's no question though that its playing a fundamental role in altering the human experience.  I know I know, not everyone's using it, but enough people are (at least here in America), that my "sample size" is large enough.

Internet dating gives us the freedom to choose, makes dating more "convenient" and simpler in a way. It goes beyond traditional social networks,  decreases  limitations,  provides us with protection from the cruelty of a few "playas" -not like the word beach, but you know, "the Situation" and the such. And there's a romantic element as well-we write more, we return to wooing through the written word. There's something comforting about that....and its always interesting to see how history repeats itself.

Boo, where have you been? I could have clearly used some help here....instead I unloaded a garbage dump of thoughts. Sift through it assuming you're prepared with a haz mat suit, a nose plug, and a bullshit meter.