The Ballad of Boo

Fyi…I had a BRILLIANT much-anticipated, national treasure of an entry going and then a little old bat shit crazy church lady made me cry. Just so you’re all aware.

Anyhoo…I heart this to itty bitty pieces:

'we need the excuse of a fiction to stage what we truly are.'

This blog has been a brought on a new emboldened state of self, followed intermittently by states of paralysis. A blank blog presents a pressure unlike anything I’ve experienced before. The anonymity of it, certainly enables a bravado to be open and honest in a sense, but then coupled with the vulnerability of sounding like a whiny brat with bad grammar let alone questionable life choices I go blank. And that just gets me through the title.

Feeling the need to expand the girlinthebuff empire, I’ve taken our show on the road to Tucson back and forth a bit which has provided ample time for self-analysis and people watching/judging…err, I am trying to minimize the judging but I’m also a bitter baby right now…so I judge, a lot. But I digress…back to self-anlaysis, fiction, frauds, and true selves…hooray!

There’s a difference between being a fraud and not even knowing what one aspires to pretend to be…I’m just not sure which category I’m in and vagueness, “nebulousness” are par for the course…apologies, again.

I’ve been settling into this state of unsettlement in my life for a bit now…it’s creeped up on me over this year, & now I have this gnawing suspicion that I have done just that—settled that is. Pick your definition and it will suffice. Being a privileged white girl from the upper middle class I tend to have this massive guilt complex in general, apologizing is the norm.  I’m sorry.

I operate in bubbles. Not literally…not like Bubble Boy or the guy on Allen…but I like to keep the different circles I operate in separate and distinct. When bubbles collide they pop and Lord knows I have an aversion to cleaning things up. Maybe this has been indoctrinated from an early age, but people pleasing was something I regarded as a positive trait up until the last couple days. So now people aren’t happy and I’m at a loss…shocking. Bubbles have burst.

So all of this is to say that I am grateful for this blog. I’m not about to go all Eat, Pray, Love on you (you’re welcome—and I’m off carbs right now) but it’s incredibly refreshing to address no one in particular—hence not having the conversation in my head ahead of time to figure out the path of least resistance and popularity. Welcme to crazy town.

So I’m tired, sad and generally unpleasant. But that’s me, that’s the truth and that’s legit. That’s Boo in a crazy nutshell. No apologies. Sorry.

Now watch out little old ladies!!!

Xoxo,

Boo